It’s been a busy week both in the garden and out. I keep attempting to sit down and write then I’d find myself wandering off to some other task. My subtle world has been awash with disturbance and so the garden has seemed more of a sanctuary than usual. I found myself accompanied by the Queen of Hearts at one point; emotion was high and as I slashed my way through an overgrowth of Hawaiian white ginger I heard her yelling “Off with their Heads!” as she encouraged me on. Thanks to such great encouragement I got a lot done and the outcome was a clarity previously unavailable and a spaciousness within the garden that allowed in light and an expanse of sky. The openness insistently stirred my imagination. I began to plan the replanting; visions of Charles II and his Restoration palaces inspired plant choices that would create a lush and fecund environment. Lots of large glossy rounded forms, strong colour. Shrubs bedecked with flowers, climbers to carry the colour and perfume up high, an exotic dreamscape. Sadly, without Charles’ budget reality dawned. I’m back to seed planting and potting up cuttings from last year in readiness for the new vision. It’s only a matter of time until my royally appointed retreat will be ready. As a friend was visiting we took the opportunity to visit my favourite local spot. A magnificent stand of forest giants, our native Kauri grow amongst lush ferns and palms, the sound of water dripping from the canopy. It always has the most primeval feel, the size and age of the trees dwarfing humans and animals alike. I’m seriously fascinated by the mosses that grow everywhere in the cool and damp, their soft green beauty a refreshment to my soul. Looking up into the branches I imagine the builders of Gothic Cathedrals realising the way to hold up those huge vaulted roofs as they pondered the spreading branches looking for all the world as thought they were holding up the sky. Our hearts swelled with the grace and joy evoked by the quiet wisdom of these magnificent trees.
Having been away for a few days, I’m now back to noticing all the work still awaiting my attention. Feelings of frustration jockey for position with a relief to be here in the peace and unfolding that is Spring. If I feel into the frustration I find that underneath it is a huge reservoir of excitement; my human need to have things under control is thwarted by the energy of the garden. As my body picks up on that energy the timeless battle ensues – the ego demanding that certain things must be done “now!” in an ordered fashion as reason and logic dictate. The heart knows better; she feels the pull of Spring, the upward force that pushes sap from way down in its winter home to the tops of high branches. She demands I let go my frustration at things undone and be present to the glory that is unfolding daily. As I write I feel the foolishness of my egoic perspective. For Nature there is no time, no rules about tidyness and order. There is only an ongoing process of creating and destroying, new leaves following bare branches; flowers being pollinated and dying, their pollen being transformed into food for new bees, their nectar into honey. Death into life, from the tiniest micro-organism to the Kauri forest giants. Should I cease to be here, still she will continue and so I understand now that I am to allow myself to be swept up in that wondrous tsunami of love energy. She will carry me along without any effort from me; what needs to happen, will happen and she will bless us all with her beauty.